Sex is a mystery for a lot of young lesbians and queer people who are still figuring themselves out. In school, sexual intercourse between two people with a vagina was never discussed. So as a woman, how do you start a romantic night with a woman? How can you make it a night your bedpartner will never forget? And is scissoring really all we do? This is your step-in guide to lesbian sex.
It’s something almost every woman has. Some women have it every week, for some it is a yearly thing and for others it might be the very first time. We’re talking about sex. The first time ever or maybe just the first time with another person with a vagina can be very stressful. You might have no idea what you’re doing or what’s going to happen. One thing is for sure: according to studies, lesbians do have better sex than straight women.
LESBIAN VS HETERO SEX
Intercourse between a man and a woman is very different from sex between two women. According to many surveys and studies lesbians are more content with their sex life than straight women. A 2017 study of 53,000 Americans by the Kinsey Institute showed that lesbians orgasm 86% of the time, in contrary to 65% for heterosexual women. Sexologist Hasse Forceville explains: ‘With lesbian sex the focus lays more on clitoral stimulation, which is necessary for a woman to orgasm. Heterosexual couples focus more on penetration which won’t make most women come.’
Not only is the sex allegedly better between two women, but it also happens more frequent and lasts longer. A survey of about 8,500 lesbian women found that 35.6% of monogamous lesbian couples have sex more than once a week as opposed to 35.2% in monogamous heterosexual couples.
Rozemarijn Gillis (22) and Charlie Maurer (23) have been in love for two and a half years, ‘How often we have sex depends
on the season. In the winter, we go longer without sex because the days are shorter and we’re more likely going to cuddle instead. In summer, we usually have sex once a day, sometimes even more.’
A romantic night together as a lesbian couple on average takes more time than a heterosexual night of lovemaking. Rozemarijn and Charlie agree: ‘A single time of sex approximately takes between fifty minutes and two hours.’
WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN GETTING IT ON WITH A WOMAN
We’ve already established that lesbians have sex more often and that it lasts longer, but how can you make it a night you and your partner will never forget? And what is something you should think about before your sex adventure?
First, it’s important to remember that despite your bedpartner having the same body type as you, this doesn’t necessarily mean that she will like the same things as you do. Communication is VERY important.
The first time, you need to talk about your preferences and explore it together. ‘Two weeks into our relationship I said: “We need to talk about sex”,’ says Charlie. ‘We talk a lot about our sex life. Before, after, and even during sex, we’re constantly discussing how we can make it even better.’
This one may sound stupid but clip your nails. When going to bed with a woman, you’re most likely going to use your hands and fingers to pleasure her. Long nails may look beautiful, but they can be painful in bed. Although that’s not the case for everybody. ‘Sometimes long nails can be an extra source of pleasure,’ claims Charlie.
Furthermore, don’t be afraid to use everything you have and play with everything your partner has (according to what she likes of course). Use your fingers to play with her nipples. Graze with your hands over her thighs, stomach, or breasts. Lick her clitoris with your tongue. You’ll be surprised how good you can make your bedpartner feel by just using your tongue, hands, and fingers.
Next up: sex-toys. ‘Lesbian couples are often more prone to using tools to give each other extra pleasure than heterosexual couples, where the focus mainly lays on penetrative sex,’ says sexologist Hasse Forceville. ‘Some men perceive a sex toy as a threat and are concerned that at some point, their partner would prefer the sex toy over their penis. This is unfortunate, because the penis is not the best tool to make a woman orgasm anyway.’ Sex-toys come in all different kinds, for example the satisfyer or the magic egg. You might have to try a few before you find something both you and your lover like. Try them together, experiment and have fun. This way sex can be hot, sexy, and adventurous at the same time.
Your first-time sex, whether it’s the first time ever or your first experience witha woman, will always be exciting. The most important thing to remember, is to only do it when YOU ARE ready and with someone who you trust and who respects you. And if sex isn’t something for you or it doesn’t seem like something you want to do? That’s okay too. As for the rest, you will learn it all while doing it and you will always have someone next to you who you can talk to and experience things with. Just enjoy, don’t think too much about it and you will be fine. Good luck!
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